turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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