i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
