I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize