The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
