There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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