Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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