It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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