This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I love having hate sex.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
