We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
