just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I want her autograph on my taint
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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