My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
