Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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