The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
