I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize