I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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