I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
