totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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