just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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