i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
