I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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