Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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