You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
