so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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