great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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