Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize