the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
