You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
