why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
