dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
