he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
