Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
