Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
