Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
