glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
