I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
