No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize