I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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