I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
