I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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