"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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