if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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