I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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