She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
