There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
