I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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