I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
