Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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