Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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