my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
