She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
