I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
