Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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