I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
