"it" just moved
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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