Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We need to rekindle our bromance
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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