Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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