He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
