My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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