It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
