y did u give ur computer a hand job?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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