): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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