I'm lost and stupid without you.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
