I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize