I must be too annoying 4 u.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
