they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize