tell your sister to shave her snatch
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
