i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
