You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
