It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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