Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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