all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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