she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This is my gift to your gina
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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