Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize